"Welcome to my home. Please leave your entry fees and insurance waiver in the box provided, and remember, my house is my house as are its contents."
According to the Ferengi rule of acquisition number 284, "deep down, everyone is a Ferengi." It's always been my favorite rule. While I break most of the societal restrictions by wearing clothes, talking to strangers, and refusing to chew my children's food, I do enjoy Ferengi culture. I own a copy of the Rules, and I know a few of them by heart. I even had a drink once at Quark's in Vegas. It was heavenly.
So today I thought we'd have a fun topic, in honor of Quark, and talk about a few of the rules of acquisition that might apply to authors, either as they stand, or with a small tweak. We'll just cover my favorites, but if you're interested, a very good, nearly complete list of the "rules" can be found here.
#3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
This one is pretty self explanatory, but I'd add for authors: never pay more for a service than you have to and never pay for someone else to do what you can do yourself for free.
#7 Keep your ears open.
#8 Small print leads to large risk
#13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed. (on your part or your readers'!)
#44 Never confuse wisdom with luck.
#45 Expand or die
#48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
#57 Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them. (substitute loyal readers for good customers--though they may be the same thing in the end)
#82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price
#162 Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit. ( for the "doomed industry" folks)
#194 It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
#236 You can't buy fate.
#284 Deep down, everyone is a Ferengi (my favorite)
So. Thats a fair sample. I left out the real gems like "always sleep with the boss" and "females and profit don't mix" for obvious reasons. Though, I do like, "dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack," quite a lot. I hope they made you chuckle, and if you can stand the company of Ferengi, I'll see you at Quarks for a Samarian Sunset.